FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I need moral support for this bender
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
