real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
