Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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