how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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