there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
