it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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