at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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