She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
