The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We are two peas in an std pod
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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