dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
