There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Enjoy the penises
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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