I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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