i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
