that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
