I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
