Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
