Barsexuality is the new black.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
