Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
