you're like a bully in the Christmas story
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
