I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
