And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
