Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
