Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
