Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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