I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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