Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
40s are totally the cure
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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