Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
