Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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