he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
