For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
