love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
