if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
