i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
