..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
