The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
