From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
