Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
