): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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