i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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