your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
