I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
3pm strippers are depressing
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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