So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
