o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
