In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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