I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
