I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
