This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
