perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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