so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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