dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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